do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
