I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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