so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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