but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
