I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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