when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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