You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
