Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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