FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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