Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy