the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.