I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
