FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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