I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.