The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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