i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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