Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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