we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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