I need to stop coming to work sober
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
