Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
