my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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