I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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