i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
