So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
