so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
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