I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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