she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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