im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
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Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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