if only i could text you this smell
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
