She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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