I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
