after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
