I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
