I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
