Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
