And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
