on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
