Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
