im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Michael Bay diarrhea
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
