Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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