last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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