You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
