Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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