Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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