you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
