I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
