My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
