My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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