Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
