My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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