Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Four minutes until I can fart!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
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You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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