Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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