Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
