I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
