that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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