i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
