'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
