He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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