Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
