look no pants
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
