If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
