There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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